Oberon: So, they call you Smitty. There are many known by this name. What makes you the mostest unique type Smitty in the world?
Overlord: (Laughs for several minutes) I’m one of the few Smitty’s that are female. Smitty’s are wonderful things. Our tops are made out of rubber...
Oberon: Do you know where your writing is going at any given time, day, or novel?
Overlord: Of course not. Something that writers will only say to other writers, and not ‘civilians.’ We never know where it is going. We like to be as surprised as everyone else.
Oberon: Is obtaining your first stalker the first sign of success?
Overlord: (pauses) No. The first real stalker I had was when I was in theater. I considered that more of an inconvenience than a success. The first woman that asked me to sign her chest was the first sign of success.
Oberon: Dare we say first signature of success?
Overlord: (Looks at me funny)
Oberon: What is the strangest question anyone has ever asked you about your work?
Overlord: (Laughs out loud) I actually had someone ask me if I liked cinnamon anal lube in relation to a story that I wrote. That was the strangest question I ever got.
Oberon: Oh boy! Can’t wait ‘till folks ask me about my water based preference! Everyone wants to know, boxers or briefs?
Overlord: Boxers. Briefs when I’m packing because it holds better. Ever try to put a soft pack down a pair of boxers and then walk?
Oberon: You’re not supposed to pack your socks. Boxers might make it so. On the other hand, you can pack with socks. Isn’t life funny?
Overlord: (Disapproving look, as per usual)
Oberon: I’m an asshole, don’t you think?
Overlord: One of my absolute favorites. The Elf King and the Pagan Overlord. I mean, come on!
Oberon: note: I referred to Smitster as the Pagan Overlord over a hearty lunch of chicken fried chicken with scrambled chicken embryos. We giggled for several bars. Tee-hee for me. Hooo Haa Ha for Smitty.
Oberon: Which is better, writing, or hot sweaty monkey love on a hammock?
Overlord: I get sea sick. So, I’ll have to say writing, but writing is foreplay. It leads to hot sweaty monkey love on any surface. Friction is your friend.
Oberon: Monkeys aside, who do you think is the best writer of hot sweaty afore mentioned material?
Overlord: Huh...What’s my field of choice? Anyone, ever?
Oberon: Yuppers.
Overlord: I’d say, Leslie Fienberg, because that was the sex scene that changed my life. it gave passion from a fully gendered perspective for the first time and made it fully human. You’re not bad either. (note: see chapter one of 20 Blocks by Oberon at azarnes.com)
Oberon: Thanks for the plug Pagan Overlord. I can dig it!
Overlord: Any time Elf King, any time.
Oberon: You are ten pounds of cool in a five pound bag.
Overlord: (Looks at me as if I just blew in from Dumbass Town. Note: She’s still all right.)
Oberon: What size BOOT do you wear?
Overlord: 8 ½ mens. And its true what they say about shoe size.
Oberon: Okay, now you’re just trying to pick up a few more stalkers.
Overlord: I have enough yoga instructors in leather shorts in my life, thank you. I’m trying to remain single.
Oberon: Could you tell the folks about the moment that you HATED me the most?
Overlord: Yes, absolutely. One moment when you told me to write something that I didn’t want to write, didn’t think that I could write, entertained no notion of writing, but I knew that you were right. I knew it would take months. I knew it would hurt. I wrote it anyway, and you’re a bastard anyway.
Oberon: Score one for the Elf King!
Overlord: I got you back. I told you to write a novel, and I was right.
Oberon: Score two for the overlord!
Overlord: This is great.
Oberon: Down to serious business. How serious are you?
Overlord: About what?
Oberon: Daily life.
Overlord: Fairly serious. I know that life’s a joke. I just don’t always get the joke. I have a grim and brooding reputation to uphold.
Oberon: Why is it that I make you laugh when I’m not trying, and I can’t when I am?
Overlord: You are the funniest creature I’ve ever met. Usually when you’re not trying.
Oberon: It is to laugh. Tee-hee. What is your favorite toothpaste, color, and fabric? In that order.
Overlord: Mentadent, black, leather. Silk running a close second.
Oberon: If you were a drag QUEEN, what would your name be?
Overlord: Anastasia Camille
Oberon: Why oh why?
Overlord: I’m not explaining that.
Oberon: Best domestic skill?
Overlord: I stock a mean humidor.
Oberon: Best personality trait?
Overlord: I’m a know it all who knows it all. That’s a direct quote from the elf...It sure wouldn’t be modesty.
Oberon: How did I do conducting my first professional interview?
Overlord: You did good honey. (Pats Elf on the head as if she were the family dog)
Note from the Elf King: It’s been real, and it’s been fun, but it hasn’t been real fun. Just kidding...wouldn’t want to vex the Pagan Overlord. She might pelt me with chicken fried rice and chicken embryos.
Kisses & much love. West Siiiide!