Tabitha’s band is playing at a club in the Village. When Charlie opens the door it is like walking into another dimension. People are packed in like melancholy teenagers on a school bus. The loud conversations between acquaintances and long time friends reach maximum pitch in Sky’s ears, “Hey Charlie! Do you think we’ll be able to find Tabby in here?” Charlie shrugs her shoulders at the question because she hasn’t heard a word.
The two of them begin to make their way through the tidal wave of strangers, trying to avoid cigarette burns and spilling beverages. Some people enjoy drinking manhattans, but very few like to wear them. The path toward the stage is littered with spirited fans of the ‘Tabitha kind.’ A rainbow of hair color, piercings in all conceivable parts of the human body, and the distinct rattle of chains fill the bar from end to end. Charlie thinks, “Tabitha’s dreams must be like this. All cluttered with humanity, and dripping with bohemian culture.”
Sky grabs onto Charlie’s arm to drag her through the obstacle of flailing limbs, and drunken fumbling. Charlie secretly wonders what the hell she is doing in this place. She is out of her element, but the happiness of Sky and the artistic expression of their friend Tabitha is more important than some silly old panic attack. She swallows hard against the heart palpitations and claustrophobia, trying to focus on the woman in front of her. The connection of their arms is enough to comfort Charlie for a short while. She holds on tight, and hopes to find an oasis to hide out in when the show began. She loves Tabitha’s music. She also loves the band’s enthusiasm. If she could watch them perform from home she might feel better.
Despite the strong opposition in this cramped environment they manage to find Tabitha. She is doing sound check on stage next to a huge speaker. Charlie laughs a little while she watches Tabby’s face contort to the sounds that are emanating from her own bass. She thinks, “Why do all musicians make those faces? Are they in pain, or just thinking really hard about what they’re doing?”
Tabitha finishes a riff and surveys the smoky room to see if anyone is paying attention to her. She loves any kind of regard from anyone. This is her thing, to be observed by others in a favorable light. Charlie wonders if Tabitha knows that about herself, or if she just goes through life craving the affection of others blindly. Either way it is comforting to see the face of a friend in the midst of all the crazy happenings in the room.
Tabitha spots Sky with ease. It would have been hard to miss her due to the fact that Sky was waving both arms in the air as if she were a stranded island dweller sending out an SOS. The only thing missing from the scenario is a bon fire made of palm tree leaves, and a message scribbled in white sand.
Tabitha hops off of the stage with both feet. She hits the floor with a thud, and then shoots up like an Olympic gymnast completing a perfect tumble. It is half joking and half cover up on her part. Only Tabitha can make a clumsy action seem perfectly natural. She bounds over to the couple dancing to the music playing over head. Then smiles as though she has just won the lottery, “You guys! H-E-L-L-O!” spelling the letters out in sign language before pausing to pick her underwear out of her ass. “Sorry bout that, can’t go through a whole show with elastic in my crack! Know what I mean? We’re starting in five! Saved a place for you next to the stage! Hang tight my little fruit pies, I gotta tinkle tinkle in the potty ‘for my bladder splatters! Be right back.”
Sky pulls Charlie close to the stage to protect her from the hoards of people approaching at a rapid rate. She knows that Charlie has some crowd anxiety, and even Tabitha can’t help her with that. They climb three stairs to a platform and sit at a small round table next to the stage. They know that this must be the spot reserved for them because Tabitha left a huge sign tapped to the table. It reads, “Sky & Charlie. Anyone else will taste my wrath!!! - Tabby Cat.” Sky laughs at the sign, and then looks over at Charlie to make sure she isn’t having a coronary in her chair. She puts a hand on Charlie’s shoulder to help her focus again. Charlie looks back at Sky with appreciation of the gesture, and she does start to feel better.
People are settling into their places now, like marionettes on flimsy threads. The bar is packed to maximum capacity. Tabitha’s band has quite the cult following in the city. She had told Sky to keep the whole fame thing, but the truth was that Tabitha adored it more than Sky ever could. This production was her life’s blood. She ate musical notes for breakfast, then regurgitated them all over her adoring public.
The overhead lights cut out like a corrupt corporation dodging the tax man. People start shouting for the band to start. They are chanting the band’s name, and yelling requests for their favorite songs. Tension starts to build in Charlie’s body. The energy in the room scalds her skin, and that impending feeling of doom rattles her cage. She can’t see Sky anymore. She can’t hear anything but the piercing vocalizations of rowdy punk rockers. This is a witch’s brew sure to cause the mother of all panic attacks. Charlie begins to sink in her chair like a shy child on a playground full of bigger kids.
Just when Charlie feels the hair rise on the back of her neck the lights kick back on, and Shontai appears out of obscurity with the demeanor of an ancient Egyptian priestess. Shontai is exquisite in a way that can be as subtle as it is obvious. Her complexion is the comforting shade of hot cocoa made with sweet cream, and her eyes are brown jewels set in thick ebony lashes. She has short black dread locks with tiny seashells clinging to the ends for dear life as she jumps around to the music, singing noteworthy political lyrics from a straining voice box. She is wearing a loose black tank top with a jagged edge that kisses her midsection, and exposes the shiny ring clinging to the skin just above her belly button. Her camouflage military fatigues are tucked into black combat boots, and a chain swings violently at her hip as she jumps around the stage with microphone in hand.
This is a vision for Sky. She has always had a secret crush on Shontai. There weren’t many women in the Village who did not have a thing for the vibrant, brilliant, and outspoken princess of rock. She is the girl with it all. She is stunning, witty, and politically savvy. A real woman’s woman with a pretty face and brains to back it up. That girl had never taken any crap from anyone in her whole life. This of course made her virtually unapproachable for ninety percent of the lesbian population. She either scared people off with her beauty, or they scattered just as soon as she opened her mouth. One might think that she would need a pick up truck to help her haul that soapbox around, but she was stronger than the average activist. Her super human power and sharp tongue were definitely her best assets. Attempting to debate with Shontai with reference to politics or current events could lead to self- loathing for the opposition.
Sky has known Shontai for about a year, but she has never truly considered having a relationship with her. That mix of magnificence and wisdom could produce toxins beyond anything created in a laboratory. Shontai was fun to be around, but dating a woman like that would be a full time job.
Sky decided long ago to remain friends with Shontai without ever mentioning her feelings, and in the meantime she met Charlie. Infatuation is that inherent part of human nature that makes people want precisely what they cannot have, and love is something that people can have if they are courageous enough to pursue it.
Sky watches Shontai for a few minutes before shifting her gaze to Charlie, remembering that she is probably panicking. Charlie seems surprisingly comfortable after all. Her eyes are focused on the band. The occupants of the stage have seized her undivided attention, and Sky smiles to herself when she realizes that Charlie is at ease. Sky studies the profile of her lover’s face, and feels outright admiration for Charlie’s heroism. She knows that Charlie has difficulty in dealing with crowds, but she is willing to endure for the woman that she loves. Sky thinks, “I cannot believe that another person would toil through a phobia for the likes of me. I must have done something right in my life to warrant this sort of devotion.”
Charlie and Sky wait patiently while the band clears their instruments from the stage after their set. The crowd is gathering around the band members, making it strenuous to even get out of the side door and by the time Tabitha makes it back to the table forty- five minutes have passed.
Tabitha clears all three stairs to the platform in a single bound, “Sorry to keep you kids hanging! I feel pretty peculiar right about now, I just signed some strange woman’s chest with permanent marker! How many brews did she have? Paper is available at all your local office supply stores. I mean, even a napkin would do! It’s a good thing that I wasn’t carrying a sharp pencil instead of an easy gliding marker! That girl would have my name tattooed in her cleavage when she turned eighty! Try explaining that to a cranky aide in a nursing home. Anywho, you wanna grab a bite? I get awful hungry after that kind of exercise. You should try it sometime. It’s better than chocolate covered chocolate. Hey, maybe that’s what I should eat. Ya think? Nothing like devouring a big slab of chocolate cake at two in the morning! Am I right?”
Charlie feels the tension evaporate from her body like steam from a puddle on a humid summer day. The thought of leaving this bar makes her grateful to be alive. She can deal with sitting in a diner in the middle of the night with a small group of friends. She smiles at Tabitha, “That sounds good.”
Sky’s voice sounds between them, “Hey Tabby, are you still coming with us to Charlie’s parent’s house next week? I know that it has been your life’s dream to see Buffalo in the spring!”
Tabitha looks puzzled for a moment before she speaks, “Ya, as long as Charlie doesn’t mind exposing her folks to the likes of me! I just might scare the bajesus out of her dear mother. I hear she’s kind of high strung.”
It was the first weekend in May. Spring air filtered into Charlie’s bedroom through the open window, and gently pushed the thin white curtains out in waves against the interior of the room.
Sky wakes up to the sound of Charlie’s voice, “Honey, it’s time to get up. I want to get on the road early to avoid the traffic. I also want to head out to my parent’s house before I change my mind about the whole thing! I finished packing your suitcase. You have to be the most unorganized person that I have ever met. You only packed jeans and a few shirts. My parents will probably drag us to some fancy restaurant for dinner. Did you tell Tabitha to bring something presentable to wear? On second thought, Tabitha should dress the way she always dresses. That will make my mother crazy! I love any opportunity to drive that woman insane.”
Sky lifts her head from the pillow, squinting her eyes in the bright sunlight, “Charlie, you are freaking out baby! I don’t mind telling you that I’m a little scared right now. Relax, we’re going on a road trip. This is going to be fun, and if your mother drives you crazy we can always hang out with our old friends in the city. Can you call Tabby to make sure that she’s up?”
Charlie sneers at Sky’s reaction to her ramblings, then went about the business of calling Tabitha. Charlie always freaked out with the prospect of reuniting with her mother. The fact that they were only spending a week in Buffalo did nothing to calm Charlie’s nerves. Good old Luanne had the power to annoy from great distances, and Charlie spent days thinking of appropriate responses to her mother’s ridiculous questions and prying inquires about her personal life. Although Charlie had always been an overachiever, nothing would ever be good enough in her mother’s estimation. This trip was just another test of Charlie’s resiliency in the face of adversity.
Sky understands Charlie’s apprehension, and focuses her energy on distracting Charlie from her inevitable fate, “Charlie, honey, sweetheart, I’ll be with you the whole time. If your mother gets all wacky we can disappear, or create a good diversion. It’s easier when you are part of a tag team. Look at it this way, at least we’re not visiting my mother. That would be a group effort, and we might need some holy water and an exorcist! So, look on the bright side. I love you no matter who you’re related to. If families were easy to deal with, we all would live with our parents forever. You are not alone on this one.”
Sky had good reason to be upset too, but she knew that she could avoid her own mother with little effort. It is easy to ignore someone when they ignore you first. Her mother had criminalized and condemned everything about Sky’s “unchristian life” for a couple of years already. Denise Madison had completely cut off communication with her only daughter. However, Sky’s brothers Zeke and Manny could do no wrong in their mother’s eyes. They had always been the shinning men children born into a timeless tradition of misogyny within the Madison family. Sky’s mother had always made it very clear that men were useful, and women were only useful to men. When Sky told her mother that she was a lesbian, her mother decided that Sky was no longer useful.
She told Sky, “Women should get married and have children. It is our lot in life to do so. If you do not adhere to god’s rules you are no longer welcome in this house!” Her mother’s words rang in her mind as if she were trapped in the belfry without earplugs. It hurt and repeated, and hurt and repeated until Sky pulled her hair out with trembling hands on more than one occasion. In this moment Sky puts her foot down on that bell, and allows it to ring no more.
It would take intense concentration on Sky’s part to help Charlie remain calm during the trip. She drops her mother’s nagging voice into an imaginary mason jar, seals it, and shelves it away in the back of her mind with all of the other bottled feelings. Denise is of little significance now. Charlie is far more important to Sky than the whispers of yesterday’s ghosts. Sky forces her weary body out of bed, and goes about her routine with her usual poker face. No one would be the wiser.
Charlie’s voice turns to an irritated tone as she tries to coax Tabitha out of bed. She speaks into the cordless phone, “Tabby, Tabby, get up, get up. It’s time to join the living! We’re leaving in an hour.”
Tabitha’s response is shorter than usual, “Yes Charlie. I’m up. I’m up. I’ll be there before you send out a search party! It’ll be easy, cause I’m still wearing the same clothes from yesterday. You should practice some yoga ‘till I get there, geeze! You are more tightly wrapped than a vacuum sealed state Senator! Love you. Bye-bye.”
Tabitha shows up at Charlie’s door still half asleep and drops a small suitcase on the floor with a thud, “I told you that I would be here on time, little Miss Cranky Pants. Is your girdle too tight this morning? Where is Sky? I have a feeling she might need a body guard. I was only assaulted over the phone, but she actually sleeps in your bed! I better go check her for contusions and lacerations. You get kind of moody when you’re going to see your folks. Did you ever notice that?”
Then Tabitha grabs Charlie in a big bear hug and squeezes her until she squeaks, “Okay, Tabby, you made your point…Let me go. I can’t breathe!”
“Isn’t that better, Sunshine? A good hug can make you forget about anything. Well, almost anything. I haven’t forgotten how freaken hungry I am. Do you have any grub in this joint, or do I have to panhandle for toaster pastries before we leave the city? Cause I don’t really want to do that on an empty stomach.”
Charlie laughs despite her own discomfort about the trip. She thinks, “Tabitha strikes again. Here I am, getting all upset about this trip. I have planned every detail, right down to wardrobe and approximate rest stop time and in strolls the free spirited Tabitha. She’s wearing yesterday’s clothes and she didn’t even think about eating before she came over. If ever I needed a roll model, Tabitha would be it.” She shakes her head at Tabitha and points to the kitchen, “There are waffles in the freezer, help yourself.”